Gender Disappointment

Posted on December 1, 2023December 1, 2023 by BooyahMom

When The Gender Reveal Reveal’s Sadness, Just Know You Are Not Alone.

I’ve always wanted children. It was never a matter of if, it was when. As a teenager I always thought it would be amazing to have a son and then a daughter. I guess because I secretly wished I had an older brother. But, if it boiled down to it, I really wanted a daughter. I wanted a relationship like I had with my mom, a mother and daughter bond that was more like best friends. My mom and I joked that we were the Gilmore Girls. We related to that show on so many levels. It was always just me and my mom against the world. And we had such fun!

Tragically, my mom passed away when I was 30. Ten years after her passing, I got pregnant. It was a bittersweet moment. I was elated that I was finally going to be a mom, but a motherless mother was not something I was prepared for. Embarking on the journey of motherhood without my mom’s guidance was difficult, but I was convinced in my heart that I was going to have a girl, and that girl would somehow mend a piece of my broken heart.

Continue reading “Gender Disappointment” →

Quick Tip: Hidden Key

Posted on August 26, 2023October 10, 2023 by BooyahMom

Hidden Key

You run outside for just a second to toss out the trash, grab the mail, or retrieve a package from your porch. And somehow you get locked out! You may have locked yourself out accidentally or your child may have managed to lock you out. Either way, you are stuck outside and your child is alone in the house!

In another scenario, you step outside with your little one. When you come back from tossing the ball, creating sidewalk art, or taking a walk you realize you forgot to bring your keys and the door to your house is locked! You and your child are locked out of the house!

Or you could simply just have mom/dad brain and walk out of the house without your keys.

These scenarios could be a nightmare situation, or they could be an easy fix.

An easy fix

To prevent these situations, you can install keypad or smart locks or you could simply Hide A Key!

There are many ways you can do this. Simply hide it under or in something you already own, or you can purchase all kinds of hide-a-key items. There are statues, fake rocks, fake thermometers, fake sprinklers, fake socket covers, magnetic holders, etc. You can also give a spare key to a trusted neighbor, or even hide it at your neighbor’s house. Some people even nail their spare to a tree. If you are creative, you can make a place to hide a key. (Ex. Glue a rock to a pill bottle cap, put the key inside the bottle, and bury it up to the rock.)

When you hide your key, it is a good idea to choose a place that is not near the lock. Make it as inconspicuous as possible.

Where NOT to hide your key

Some of these places are just too obvious and the first place a thief might look.

• Under the door mat.
• In the mailbox.
• Under a pot near the door.
• Under a statue or figurine.
• Above the door frame.

What tips do you have for not getting locked out?
What works for you? I’d love to know.
Please leave a reply down below.

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Quick Tip: Prevent Clogged Milk Ducts

Posted on August 25, 2023October 10, 2023 by BooyahMom

How To Prevent Clogged Milk Ducts When Breastfeeding

My Daughter and I begin our breastfeeding journey.

No one wants to get a clogged milk duct while breastfeeding. They can be incredibly painful and can lead to mastitis.

A clogged milk duct appears as a hard lump in the breast that can become tender and sore. It happens when the milk duct does not drain properly. Pressure can build up behind the clog and cause irritation and inflammation. The breast area around the clog may become painful, red, and warm.

I had a clogged duct when I was breastfeeding my son that led to mastitis complete with a fever, chills and flu-like aches. After that experience, I was determined to not go through that again.

I searched online for a solution and found a few people mention that they took lecithin every day to prevent clogs. I immediately went online and purchased a bottle of sunflower lecithin. I never experienced a clogged duct again!

I wish I had known this before I started breastfeeding. So I am sharing this in hopes that it is helpful to you or someone you love.

Sunflower Lecithin

Using lecithin as a preventive measure may not work for everyone, but it definitely helped me. I got through the remainder of my breastfeeding journey with my son without getting anymore clogs, and it is working to prevent them on my current breastfeeding journey with my daughter.

So, why does it work? Lecithin is thought to decrease the milk’s viscosity by increasing the amount of polyunsaturated fatty acids in the milk. It basically makes the milk thinner and less sticky. Sunflower lecithin is usually the preferred lecithin to use, but soy lecithin should work just as well.

The recommended dose is 1200mg four times a day, not to exceed 5000mg a day.
As with any supplement, consult with your health professional before taking.

I prefer to take vegan capsules and finding supplements that don’t use a gelatin capsule can be difficult. The brand I use is Lekithos Sunflower Lecithin. I take 2 capsules daily (1400mg) at night with dinner. If it seems like I need more, I will take 2 additional capsules during the day.

Products Discussed In This Post

Lekithos Sunflower Lecithin Capsules

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What tips do you have for preventing clogged ducts?
What works for you? I’d love to know.
Please leave a reply down below.

P.S.

In addition to preventing clogs, I have found that sunflower lecithin will help to loosen clogs. I really hope it works as well for you as it has for me.

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TTC, Pregnancy and Parenting Acronyms

Posted on August 9, 2023October 11, 2023 by BooyahMom

TTC, Preganancy & Parenting Acronym Guide and Glossary of Terms

Meanings of BD, BFP, BFN, FTM and more…

When I first started my TTC Journey I joined a few online groups of other women who were on the same path. Groups like this are a wonderful way to find support and camaraderie during what can be an emotional and lonely journey. I instantly found that I was clueless to all the acronyms and abbreviations that everyone was using in the online forums, support groups, and on social media. And there are A LOT of them!

As I subsequently joined pregnancy and parenting groups, I realized that not only are acronyms popular while TTC, but they extend into pregnancy and beyond. I have compiled a list to help you navigate them.

AI • Artificial Insemenation

AF • Aunt Flow/Flo – Period or menstrual cycle.

AMA • Advanced Maternal Age – Refers to women 35 and over. Me, I had my babies at 40 and 45.

AMH • Anti-Müllerian Hormone

BBT • Basal Body Temperature – Body temperature when at rest. Tracking BBT is way to determine when you have ovulated.

BBTC • Basal Body Temperature Charting

BC • Birth Control

BCP • Birth Control Pills

BD • Baby Dance – Having sex on your most fertile days
Baby Dust – Well wishes for conceiving a baby. I imagine it as a dusting of magical fertility glitter.

Beta • Beta Test – Aka quantitative beta hCG blood pregnancy test. Blood drawn pregnancy test

BF • Breast Fed

BFP • Big Fat Positive – Positive pregnancy test

BFN • Big Fat Negative – Negative pregnancy test

BPM • Beats Per Minute – Used to refer to the fetal heart rate

BLW • Baby Led Weaning – Offering your baby a variety of foods and allowing them to choose from and feed themselves.

BMS • Baby Making Sex

BOB • Baby On the Brain or Baby Obsessed Brain – Thinking about having a baby constantly

BTDT • Been There Done That

BW • Blood Work

CB • Cycle Buddy – Someone who started their period the same day you did, or ovulated the same day you did

CD • Cycle Day – The days of the menstrual cycle. Followed by the number of days… CD1 = 1st day, CD5 = 5th day of cycle.

CD • Cloth Diapers or Cloth Diapering

CIO • Cry It Out – A sleep training strategy that involves letting the baby cry while they learn to fall asleep on their own.

CF or CM • Cervical Fluid or Cervical Mucus

CL • Cover Line – A line drawn on a BBT chart

D&C • Dilation and Curettage – a surgical procedure to remove tissue from the uterus. May be performed because of abnormal vaginal bleeding, retained placenta after giving birth, or after a miscarriage or abortion.

D&E • Dilation and Evacuation –

DD • Dear/Daring Daughter

DH • Dear/Darling Husband

DP • Dear/Darling Partner

DPO • Days Past Ovulation – Preceded by the number of days. 4DPO = 4 days past ovulation

DPT • Days Past Transfer

DS • Dear/Darling Son

DTD • Do The Deed – Have sex.

Dx • Diagnosis

E2 • Estradiol – Your level of estrogen

EBF • Exclusively Breast Fed

ECP • Emergency Contraception Pills

EBM • Expressed Breast Milk

EDD • Estimated Date of Delivery – Expected Due Date of baby’s birth

EMU • Early Morning Urine

EP • Exclusively Pumping

EPT – Early Pregnancy Test

ET • Embryo Transfer

EWCM • Egg White Cervical Mucus – The type of cervical mucus that’s during ovulation. Resembles raw egg whites.

FET • Frozen Embryo Transfer

FHR • Fetal Heart Rate

FIL • Father In Law

FF • Formula Fed

FMU • First Morning Urine

FP • Follicular Phase – From CD1 until ovulation

FRER • First Response Early Result pregnancy test – This test seems to be the one most people rely on for accuracy.

Frostie • Frozen Embryo

FSH • Follicle Stimulating Hormone

FT • Full Term

FTM • First Time Mom

FX • Fingers Crossed

GA • Gestational Age – How far along you are in your pregnancy. Ex. 12 weeks, 20 weeks

GD • Gestational Diabetes

GTT • Glucose Tolerance Test – Used to diagnose high blood glucose during pregnancy, aka gestational diabetes

hCG • Human Chorionic Gonadotropin – Aka the pregnancy hormone

HPT • Home Pregnancy Test

ICSI • Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection

IF • Infertility – Inability to get pregnant after 12 months of trying.

IFW • Infertility Warrior

IUI • Intra Uterine Insemenation

IVF • In Vitro Fertilization

LC • Lactation Consultant

L&D • Labor & Delivery

LH • Luteinizing Hormone

LMP • Last Menstrual Period

LO • Little One

LP • Luteal Phase – Time between ovulation and menstruation (aka TWW)

LSC • Low Sperm Count

MC • Miscarriage

MIL • Mother In Law

ML • Maternity Leave

MMR • Measles-Mumps-Rubella Vaccine

MOTN • Middle Of The Night

MS • Morning Sickness

NBR • Not Baby Related

NTNP • Not Trying, Not Preventing

O or OV • Ovulation

OH • Other Half

OPK or OPT • Ovulation Prediction Kit or Ovulation Prediction Test

OT • Over Tired

OTC • Over The Counter – Medication that is available without a prescription.

PAI • Pregnant After Infertility

PdG or P4 • Progesterone

PCOS • Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

PG • Pregnant

PGD • Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis

PGS – Pre-implantation Genetic Screening

PGT • Pre-implantation Genetic Testing

PI • Primary Infertility – Inability to conceive after a minimum of 1 year of trying.

PID • Pelvic Inflamatory Disease

PMS • Pre- Menstrual Syndrome

POAS • Pee On A Stick

PPD • Post Partum Depression

PUPO • Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise

PVN • Prenatal Vitamin

RE • Reproductive Endocrinologist

RPL or RM or RMC • Recurrent Pregnancy Loss or Recurrent Miscarriage – Two or more consecutive losses.

SA • Semen Analysis

SAAF • Stay Away Aunt Flow/Flo

SAHM • Stay At Home Mom

SB • Stillborn

SD • Sperm Donor

SI • Secondary Infertility – Struggling to conceive after a previous pregnancy.

Slacker Boob • When one breast underproduces milk compared to the other breast.

SO • Significant Other

STD • Sexually Transmitted Disease

STM • Second Time Mom

STTN • Sleeping Through The Night

SubQ • Subcutaneous Injection

TR • Tubal Reversal – Surgical procedure to reconnect a woman’s fallopian tubes after a previous tubal ligation

TTC • Trying To Conceive

TTCAL • Trying To Conceive After Loss

TIA • Thanks In Advance

TMI • Too Much Information

TW • Trigger Warning

TWW or 2WW • Two Week Wait – The estimated amount of time between ovulation and your expected period. The TWW was the most agonizing part of the whole process for me!

Tx • Treatment

UI • Unexplained Infertility

US • Ultrasound

UTI • Urinary Tract Infection

VBAC • Vaginal Birth After C-Section

WFH • Work From Home

WFHM • Work From Home Mom

WFP • Wait For Period

WOH • Work Outside Home

YTC • Yearning To Conceive

Did I forget any?
If I did, please leave them in a reply down below

P.S.

If you are TTC, I send you all my love and tons of BD!

I hope you get your BFP Soon!

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Mommy Hack: Say Bye Bye To The Pacifier

Posted on July 17, 2023October 10, 2023 by BooyahMom

The Fa Fa Fairy

How the Fa Fa Fairy helped my toddler
give up the pacifier in only two days.

The FA FA

There are many names for it: binky, paci, nuk, soother, dummy, hubby, pacifier, etc. My son called it his Fa Fa.

A month or two after his second birthday, we decided it was time to phase out the Fa Fa. We, of course, had no idea how to do this. But, it was definitely time. I also felt like it was effecting the positioning of his upper teeth.

Using a pacifier was a suggestion from his pediatrician shortly after he was born, and he had been sucking on one from almost day one. It definitely soothed him between feedings as a newborn. Before he could walk, he would have his Fa Fa with him randomly throughout the day. But as soon as he started walking, he used it less and less until he only really wanted it when he snuggled up to sleep.

His Fa Fa was his constant bedtime and nap time companion. He HAD to have one to sleep. He would have little melt downs if he didn’t have it. Even would wake us up in the middle of the night crying because his couldn’t find his precious Fa Fa. (Usually it was right beside him.) We had at least a handful that would rotate from being used to being cleaned. And even with so many in rotation, somehow some days we would be scouring the house for one, frantically searching for a Fa Fa to tame the tiny wild beast’s cries of despair.

Who is the Fa Fa Fairy?

The Fa Fa Fairy (or Pacifier Fairy) is a magical fairy that comes at night, long after your toddler has fallen asleep, and swaps out their collection of pacifiers for a special gift.

How It Worked For Us

My son is a planner. He always needs to know what is going to happen ahead of time. So, a few days before the fairy’s visit we discussed with him what was going to happen. He wasn’t happy about it at first, but he came around when he found out he would get a special gift from the Fa Fa Fairy.

The day of her visit we gathered up every Fa Fa and placed them in a large organza bag and set them out for the Fa Fa Fairy to collect.

There were a few tears that night as we tucked him into bed without his precious Fa Fa. We made sure to discuss that although he would not see the Fa Fa again, in the morning there would be a gift for him.

The next morning, he woke up excited for his gift. And was proud of himself for being a big boy and sleeping through the night without a Fa Fa. He did have his special lovey, Elphie, to help him through the night. And after the Fa Fa left, his attachment to Elphie and Bunny (another of his loveys) grew.

I must admit, the first night after the Fa Fa Fairy visited, he had a huge meltdown about going to bed without his Fa Fa. We had discovered a Fa Fa earlier that day that hadn’t been collected with the others and he wanted it. So the Fa Fa Fairy had to make a second appearance at our house to take the final Fa Fa.

He woke up that next morning to a final small gift from the Fa Fa Fairy. That night we had a few sniffles, but he no longer needed his Fa Fa.

How did you say goodbye to your child’s pacifier?
What tips do you have? I’d love to know.
Please leave a reply down below.

P.S.

Every child is different, and finding the pacifier that they prefer can be challenging.
I liked the glow-in-the dark ones because they were easier to find at night when he would lose them.

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It’s Not A Vagina

Posted on July 14, 2023July 14, 2023 by BooyahMom

Body Parts For Toddlers

A common discussion I see on on parenting groups is what to call your children’s body parts, specifically their genitals.

Some parents choose to go with nicknames like: wee-wee, pee-pee, cha-cha, weeny, willy, winky, dinky, vah-jay-jay, gee-gee, down there, privates, cheech, coochie, twig and berries, pickle, balls, cookie, etc.

While these euphemisms (or the unique or silly name your child comes up with on their own) may be funny and cute, I am on the side of making sure they know the proper anatomical names. We have used “penis” to name my son’s penis from day one.

The embarrassment of sex and sexuality that has been passed on between generations is outdated. I grew up feeling uncomfortable about certain parts of my body and I did not want to pass that onto my child.

I feel like using accurate anatomical language empowers and educates your child. At bath time we would name all my sons body parts as we washed them. This way he sees all his body parts as equal. “Let’s get your ears clean. Cleaning your elbow now. Washing your penis.” There is no shameful body part and he knows what all of them are properly called. We have allowed him to freely discuss all parts of his body. Sexualizing, shaming, or creating negativity or embarrassment about a certain body part is a learned behavior and something adults do, not children. Body curiosity and learning anatomy is healthy and natural.

As a funny side note, when we were diapering my son and would use wet wipes to clean him up, he would occasionally laugh, squirm and say, “Ice penis! Ice penis!” I guess we should have invested in a wipes warmer, but since we lived in Florida in the overwhelming heat it seemed unnecessary. Perhaps we will invest in one for our soon-to-be-born daughter.

It’s NOT A Vagina

For those parents who choose to use accurate anatomical language, penis and vagina seem to be the ones they start with. But this is not entirely correct, and is a bit of a pet peeve of mine.

I think it is a societal or cultural thing to group all of the female genetalia into one word, vagina. But the vagina is actually only one part of the female anatomy and it is an internal part.

Instead of penis and vagina, we should be using penis, scrotum, and vulva. The vulva is the accurate name for the external female organs that a child sees. The vulva includes the mons pubis, labia majora and minora, clitoris, and the external openings of the urethra and vagina. The vagina is the internal, muscular canal that connects the vulva to the uterus. It’s where the uterine lining is shed during menstration, where babies pass through during childbirth, and where penetration occurs during sex.

When my daughter is learning her body parts, I will definitely be using vulva, not vagina.

What words do you use for your little one’s body parts?
What words have they come up with?
Please leave a reply down below.

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Being an ‘Older Mom’ Can Be Lonely

Posted on July 14, 2023July 14, 2023 by BooyahMom

FIRST TIME MOTHERHOOD
OVER 40
DURING A PANDEMIC
WHILE TRYING TO CONCIEVE

Loneliness

Being a stay-at-home-mom, over 40, during a pandemic was a lonely experience.

Not many of my friends were at the beginning of their parenting adventure. They had teenagers or young adults. Many were becoming empty nesters. They were traveling, going out all the time, and having gatherings and parties where kids were not invited.

I, on the other hand, had an energetic toddler as my permanent sidekick.

My pre-baby life was filled with things to do, places to go, and people to see. After giving birth to my sweet baby boy, things changed. I became a mother that prioritized caring for her baby over everything else. I entered this parental cocoon that never really went away. Mostly because we had no family nearby and the majority of our friends were on different paths that weren’t inclusive of young children.

For the first year, my partner and I only went out three times without our son. Once because his grandparents were in town and could watch him for an afternoon while we went to run errands. Another time, a friend watched him while we went to a concert. And he spent a weekend with his grandparents while we attended a friend’s wedding.

The second year was 2020, “The Great Pause,” the year of the pandemic. We all experienced the isolation that the lockdown, social distancing, and stay-at-home orders produced. A part of me enjoyed all of the quality time I got to spend with my son, but another part of me cried out for social interaction. I yearned to talk to someone about adult topics, to go places, to eat out, to be involved in the community.

2021 brought more freedom to our world, albeit a cautious freedom. The virus was still a concern and we remained mostly isolated. We also began trying for a sibling for our son, which proved to be an emotional rollercoaster marked by several losses. My age has never been an issue for me, but I started to question whether or not it was going to make expanding our family an impossibility.

The Rainbow After The Storm

IN 2022 OUR RAINBOW ARRIVED !

I know several people who have experienced the pain of pregnancy loss. It is something you would never wish upon another human being. It upends your world in ways that are unimaginable.

Trying to conceive (TTC) and pregnancy loss at any age is a difficult journey, but when you are in your 40’s it can feel completely overwhelming. Your biological clock is ticking so loud that it is deafening. And with each loss, your enthusiasm about pregnancy diminishes.

TTC was a lonely experience for me. I was constantly peeing on sticks to see when I was ovulating or if I was pregnant, tracking my basal body temperature, and keeping records of it all. I was doing everything a pregnant woman should do in order to maintain the perfect vessel for a new life to enter and grow. My body was no longer my own. I was keeping it at a place where if I did become pregnant, it would be as hospitable to new life as it could be. I avoided supplements that I wanted to take, alcohol, certain foods, certain essential oils, and anything that was considered a no-no during pregnancy. It was an obsession, and it was one I did alone. Because after a couple times of sharing my excitement of a pregnancy with my partner and close friends, only to find that it was no longer viable, I stopped communicating. Every single day was a TTC rollercoaster that I rode alone. I didn’t want to drag anyone else into it anymore.

When I was 40 and we tried for my son, I had no issues getting pregnant. We had only a couple months of negative pregnancy tests before I got my big fat positive (BFP). It was mainly due to me not knowing the timing of it all. I got an ovulation kit and was pregnant that month. For our second pregnancy, things weren’t as easy. It took over two years and several losses. But at age 44, the baby dust settled in and our little rainbow stuck!

Rainbow Baby

I was cautiously optimistic when I saw that positive pregnancy test. I had been down this road before. But when the lines darkened and I got my very first dye stealer (when the HCG hormone (pregnancy hormone) is so high that the test line steals the dye from the control line; causing it to be darker.) I was certain this was the one!

I had kept it to myself long enough and started to share the amazing news! I only shared it with those closest to me. I waited until after our 10 week appointment and receiving our results from the genetic and gender test to tell others.

Being pregnant and caring for an energetic preschooler has been a whole new set of challenges, but I feel so blessed to be on this journey. I’m now 45, pregnant, and still feel lonely, but I know that this time with my babies will be fleeting. This sacred time of growth and exploration is such a blessing and I want to embrace it for all that it is. I may be lacking all the adult interaction I had before, but I have these two little souls to travel alongside now. My heart is full.

Quick Tip: Heartburn

Posted on November 19, 2021October 10, 2023 by BooyahMom

HEARTBURN

When I was pregnant with my son, I had the absolute worst heartburn. It was especially bad during my third trimester. Just drinking water would give me heartburn. Seriously.

Heartburn seems to be a common concern during pregnancy. Everyone kept telling me that it meant my son would have a full head of hair when he was born. (He did have quite a bit!) All I knew was that I was in agony.

I tried everything to try and soothe the burning: OTC antacids, drinking shots of apple cider vinegar, drinking nut milks, avoiding certain foods, eating ginger, eating almonds, etc. Nothing was working. Luckily, my midwife gave me a suggestion that worked amazingly well and I want to share it with you.

Papaya Enzymes

Papaya enzymes were my best friend. I took them everywhere with me. They worked almost instantly and completely. They were little miracle pills! Whenever I felt that evil burn churning, I would chew one up and feel better. Sometimes I had to chew two or three to soothe the heartburn dragon, but they worked better than anything else I had tried.

Personally I disliked the papaya enzymes that had the minty flavor. I found a brand that tasted sweet like papaya. It was vegan, gluten-free, and delicious! Unfortunately, and like many products that I fall in love with, it is no longer made. I found it at CVS… Radiance Platinum Papaya Enzymes. I bought up a few bottles as soon as I discovered they were discontinued because they worked so well. My partner and I continue to use them whenever we get heartburn.

I, honestly, very rarely get heartburn now, but I will never forget that horrible feeling. Can’t lie down, can’t sleep, can’t focus on anything but that awful burn in your chest. I feel you. If you are suffering, please grab a bottle of papaya enzymes!

UPDATE:

It’s 2023 and I am currently pregnant with my second baby and she is a little dragon too, breathing fire into my chest.

I had to find a new favorite papaya enzyme: Carlyle Chewable Papaya Enzyme. These little pills work great and taste like delicious, sweet, papaya. One bottle has lasted my entire pregnancy.

Products Discussed In This Post

Carlyle Chewable Papaya Enzyme

A Booyah Must Have!

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What tips do you have for getting rid of heartburn?
What works for you? I’d love to know.
Please leave a reply down below.

P.S.

I know how sensitive the pregnancy taste buds can be. Unless you absolutely love that minty flavor, I recommend purchasing the papaya or fruit flavored papaya enzymes. You are going to be popping them in your mouth quite frequently and the fruity ones are much more tolerable, in my opinion. The mint ones made me gag.

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My Chemical Pregnancy

Posted on July 11, 2021August 20, 2021 by BooyahMom

the week we shared

In the span of a week, I became a mother again
and lost, who would’ve been, my second child.

The week we shared was an emotional rollercoaster. It was beautiful, and it was tragic. All I knew of you was a little pink line and the place you took in my heart.

They call it a chemical pregnancy, a pregnancy that ends before it really begins. The egg and sperm meet up, but sometime around the 5th week, the pregnancy ends. The fertilized egg never attaches. It’s very early miscarriage.

It is a pain that I didn’t really comprehend until it happened.

I’m still processing it.

our story

My period showing up a few days late every now and then is not entirely unusual. So, when I was 2 days late and took a pregnancy test, I really didn’t expect to see that second pink line show up! I took several more tests. Just to make sure. All said the same thing. I was pregnant!

A rush of emotions flowed through me. This was very different than the experience I had with my son. He was planned and when I saw that line with him I was immediately elated! This pregnancy, however, was a total surprise. I was in shock. Yes, we had talked about adding to our family, but we hadn’t made a final decision. My partner and I are both only children. The idea of our son having a sibling sounds amazing, but also foreign. As I held that positive pregnancy test in my hand, the decision had been made for us. I was going to be a mama to two!

Fear struck me. Can I handle two? My son is one year old and is in need of my constant attention. How will I manage a newborn and a toddler? Will this pregnancy be as wonderful as my first? I am almost 20 lbs heavier now than I was when I became pregnant with my son, will that make this pregnancy more difficult? I will be 43 when this little one arrives. Will my age make a difference? Will this baby be healthy? Will I be healthy? Will I be able to have the birthing process I want? How much does having another baby cost? Can we afford this? What will we need to do to prepare? How high will my insurance go up? is my midwife covered by my insurance? Will this be a good thing for my son? Will I be able to spend enough time with each of them? Will they share a room? How will nap time go? When will I be able to sleep? How am I going to do this? How am I going to tell my partner? How will he react? How will my family react? — As you can see I was spiraling.

I stood in shock, staring at this unexpected pink line. it meant there was a baby growing inside me. I became overjoyed. I cried happy tears. I was pregnant again! I was going to experience that wonderful miracle all over again. What a gift!

The Week

It was only a week. But, during that week, we made plans. We sorted out how this new person would fit into our lives. We discussed how to tell our parents. We talked about how much fun our two little ones would have together. We laughed at silly names we could give him/her.

I called my midwife. I found out my due date, July 5th. We talked about when my first appointment would be. This was real. This was happening!

The first signs of pregnancy had arrived, my sense of smell was heightened. My breasts were tender. I joined a due date buddies group on Facebook. I started talking to my little tummy traveler. I told a couple of close friends. I dreamed, I worried, and I did all the things you do when you are expecting.

Then, on November 1st, I started spotting. It was only a little and I had no cramping. My midwife told me that it could just be implantation bleeding and I might not be as far along as I thought. This gave me comfort, but somehow I knew something was amiss. An hour later, more spotting. An hour after that, even more. I tried to got to sleep that night, but it was so difficult to shut out the fear that something was wrong. I went to the bathroom and took another test.

It was negative. I was no longer pregnant.

The next morning and for the next 5 days, I bled and I cried. I kept myself together on the outside, but inside I was a mess. Every pregnant woman I saw, every pair of siblings, every mention of a baby just brought a horrible ache to my heart.

We never told our family. We never got to experience anything other than a pink line and one week worth of excitement.

This early of a miscarriage may seem trivial to some, but to me it is a tremendous loss. I am grieving. I am hurting. I feel alone. I feel like a failure. I feel like something must be terribly wrong with me.

At first, I blamed myself. I must have done something to cause this. I shouldn’t have done all that walking in weird floppy clown shoes to take my son trick-or-treating. I shouldn’t have taken that new vitamin. I shouldn’t have eaten that spicy food. I shouldn’t have… a million other silly things.

Even though I now know that it wasn’t my fault. A part of me still feels like it was. I carry shame and guilt.

To My moonchild

No one will ever know you or even know of you. I can’t discuss you with anyone and outside of this blog post, there will be no record of you. But, although it may seem silly to some, you are my child.

You were conceived during the month of the first blue moon on Halloween (my favorite holiday) in 76 years. My dad had just sent my son a glow in the dark moon for his room, but somehow there were two moons in the package. One of them would have been for you. You would have been born this month, which would have made you a moon child. My moon child.

Thank you for the dreams of the future that you inspired. Thank you for the excitement and joy that you gave to my heart.

Thank you for the week we shared. I will cherish it always.

I love you.

Cruelty-Free and Vegan Labels

Posted on July 11, 2021July 11, 2021 by BooyahMom

Cruelty-Free Vs. Vegan

What’s The Difference?

Product labels can be confusing.
I hope this helps clear up any confusion you might have.

Cruelty-free

This generally means that the product and/or ingredients have not been tested on animals.

Cruelty-free AND Vegan

This means that the product does not contain any animal ingredients or animal by-products AND it was not tested on animals.

VEGAN

This means that the product does not contain any animal ingredients or by-products.

Continue reading “Cruelty-Free and Vegan Labels” →

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the week we shared

our story

The Week

To My moonchild

Cruelty-Free Vs. Vegan

Cruelty-free

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How the Fa Fa Fairy helped my toddler
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WHILE TRYING TO CONCIEVE